Encouragement
and Criticism:Killing
Your Child's Enthusiasm
By Ibrahim Bowers
Parents, sometimes with their comments or
attitude can have a negative influence on their children, unknowingly.
Discussed below are some of these pitfalls and ways of avoid them.
Enthusiastic
Children
"Mommy! Daddy! Look at what I did!"
Children, their faces beaming with joy, running to their parents to show
them "something special" is an everyday occurrence and an
extremely important one.
The treasure they hold in their hands might be a picture they have drawn or
painted, a card they have made, a word they have written, or their report
card from school. Whatever it is, they are very happy and can't wait to show
mom and dad.
Wrong Ways to
Handle Children's Enthusiasm
What parents do in these situations can have a
tremendous impact on children's lives. Sometimes parents will immediately
start complaining and finding fault in everything. "Don't interrupt me
right now! I'm busy!" they might say. Or they might start criticizing
the child's treasure itself. The face is not drawn perfectly, the word is
not written neatly enough, you should have gotten all A's. That B+ is not
good enough. The heartbroken child, with his head hanging sadly, walks away
maybe to give up ever trying to improve his drawing, his writing, or his
school work. He tried. It wasn't good enough. Why try anymore?
Certainly, evaluation and positive criticism are sometimes necessary to
teach children how to do better next time. However, at this stage, it is
probably much more important to recognize our children's efforts than the
results of those efforts.
If their enthusiasm for learning and trying is stifled at a young age by too
much negative criticism, it will be difficult to renew their enthusiasm
later. If, on the other hand, parents begin with good words, look for the
positives in their work, and compliment it, they will encourage their
children to do more and more. And chances are, the children will get better
and better at what they are doing.
Proper Ways to
Handle Children's Enthusiasm
Compliment Children's Achievements
Timing is very important in this. Parents should learn to recognize the
signs. Sometimes children want to show parents what they have done in order
to hear them say how good it is. In these cases, point out and compliment
the positives first, then point out some of the negatives and suggest ways
to correct them.
Look for Positive in Children and Encourage it
At other times, children may take their parents something with a
questioning look on their face. They know something is wrong with their
work, and they want their parents to tell them how to fix it. If they are
looking for help, this is the time to show them a better way without
belittling them. Always look for the positive and encourage it first. The
negatives should be played down and given in a spirit of advice, not
criticism.
Children usually believe in themselves. If asked if they can draw a picture,
for example, they will usually say that they can. They are confident in
their abilities. However, if parents belittle, criticize, and make fun of
their work, they will lose this confidence. It is the parents'
responsibility to fan the flames of their children's enthusiasm, not to put
out the fire.