The
obvious place to look for these standards of behaviour is in the Qur'an and
Hadith.
Let us therefore start at the beginning. How does the ideal husband behave
before marriage? After all, a man does not totally change his character with
effect from his wedding day. The bride is joining her life with that of
another person whose personality and habits have been in some degree already
formed. What then should be the behaviour towards women by a young man
before marriage?
Islam does not accept the view common in the western secular society that before marriage a young man is expected to "sow his wild oats" - whether by frequenting prostitutes or by sleeping around, or having any form of "trial marriage". For all such activities the Qur'an has prescribed a legal punishment of 100 lashes. (Qur'an 24:2 ).
The Qur'an moreover says:
"And
as for those who are unable to marry, let them live in continence until
Allah grants them sufficiently out of his bounty...."
(Qur'an 24:33)
To assist young men in this situation the Prophet (saws) in a Hadith recorded in Bukhari further advised;
"Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps
you from looking at women and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot
should fast, for it is a means of cooling passion."
For those who have the means to get married, how should they go about it? We have mentioned that the modern western practice of having girlfriends and trial marriages is emphatically unlawful for Muslims. Instead it is expected that the family and friends will play a big role in finding out in detail about the character and circumstances of the proposed partner before allowing the feelings of the boy and girl to be aroused has several advantages. Its effect is to cut out a lot of the embarrassment, temptation and heartache which are common in the western system of courtship and intimate relations before marriage.
The boy is expected to share with his parents certain priorities in the type of girl he hopes to marry, and this is mentioned in a Hadith related by Abu Hurairah in which the Prophet (saws) advised;-
"A
women may be sought for her wealth, her birth, her beauty or he religious
character. But do look for the religious women. And if you do it for any
other consideration, your hands be rubbed in dirt!"
Bukhari and Muslim
Revised and edited by Muslim Information Service