Tips on how to be a good brother/ sister in Islam
by Faiza Khalil and Mariam Tasleem


Mariam Says: Faiza you should have kept my secret!

Faiza says: Mariam stop playing soap opera games.
Grow up, I did not tell anyone. I don’t know how they
found out…
 

Mariam says: But it has to be you. You always do this
to me. I hate you so much!
 

Faiza says: But wait I’m not done talking yet. Don’t
cut me off. Since you keep on accusing me I’m not
going to talk to you anymore. By the way just for the
record, I hate you even more!
 

Mariam says: Are you trying to guilt trip me? Break
the bonds of sister hood? What’s up with that? Where’s
your Islam now? HUH? HUH? Now who’s talking!
 

Faiza says: Excuse me? I know you not talking to me
like that, lil miss priss! Who are you to accuse me of
not being on the deen? Did you ever look at yourself?
Remember when you were backbiting about that sister
who was wearing bandana and called it a hijab? Where
was your Islam then? HUH? HUH?
 

Mariam Says: Let’s not open that can of worms. Don’t
even get me started on what you said about her! By the
way who you calling miss priss!
And so the story goes on…
 

Have you ever been caught in a similar situation of Fitnah
between your brother or sister in Islam? Alhamdullilah,
Shaykh Yaser Birjas gave us excellent tips on the
ethics of disagreement. We thought that the tips he gave
us were very ideal so that we could use them generally
to strengthen the bonds of sister/brother hood, Inshallah.
Under each tip that Shaykh Yaser Birjas gave, we
are going to relate it back to how one should treat their
fellow Muslim.
 

Golden ethics of disagreement:
 

1. Identify the witness (identify the terminology used
and identify the Qur’an and Sunnah).
 

2. Identify the reason for this disagreement (identify
the problem). We say: If you don’t know why you are
arguing DON’T ARGUE! You should never argue
just for the sake of arguing. Think thrice before you
jump into an argument and enjoin in the Fitnah.
 

3. Never judge intentions. Just judge statements.
We say: we should never feel that we have the authority
to judge intentions. Never, never, never accuse
anyone by saying, “you must have done it. You are the
only one who could have said it/ did it.”
 

4. Follow the instructions of Imam Shafa’i (He said,
“My opinion is correct but there is possibility that it
is wrong, your opinion according to me is wrong but
there is possibility that it is correct”. We say: don’t try
to force your opinion on others. Remember that it is
impossible for you to know everything and there are
always two sides to a story.
 

5. Give your opponent an equal to chance to answer
your questions.
 

6. Don’t Interrupt We say: interruptions lead to useless,
cheap talk, slander and more sin upon yourself.
 

7. Take your time. Don’t rush to answer, decide another
time. We say: If you answer in a hurry you might
regret, what you said, later.
 

8. Words of affi rmation: If your opponents bring forth
the truth accept it with affi rmation. We say: don’t be
arrogant. Just accept the truth. Better loose with the
truth than win with a lie.
 

9. Let’s agree on principal and forget the difference of
opinion. We say: Stop looking for small things to differ
on. Acknowledge the bigger things that you agree
on. And say ALHAMDULLIAH!
 

Golden Tips for after disagreement:
 

1. Find an excuse for your opponent (it’s not a matter
of humiliating a person because they will fi ght back
bitterly). We say: remember to make your seventy excuses
for your Muslim brother/ sister in Islam. When
in doubt make an excuse.
 

2. Always maintain the spirits of brother and sister
hood. We say: Don’t be the one who is breaking the
bonds. Perfect your eman by maintaining bonds with
your fellow Muslims.
 

3. No Red Labels (Do not keep stamps for people as
long as the sunnah is preserved and brother/ sister hood
is maintained). We say: throw away the stamps and
donate the money to a masjid (Instead of taking time
out to label people take time out to help the masjid).
 

4. No backbiting
We say: in this goes for the people who think that
if they insult another Muslims in their face it’s not
considered backbiting. They are right because it’s
considered slander. Try to refrain from negative talk
altogether.
 

So keeping these tips in mind the above conversation
should end like this:

Faiza says: You know Mariam our actions are really
not those of a good Muslimah
 

Mariam says: yay! We fi nally agree on something.
 

Faiza says: It’s important that we agree on major
things and ignore the smaller things. We should always
try to keep our bonds of sisterhood strong.
 

Mariam says: forgive me Faiza baji and always remember
I love you for the sake of Allah. Let’s not let
Shaytaan ever come in between us.
 

Faiza says: I forgive you and I hope that you forgive
me as well. May he who you love me for his sake love
you as well, Inshallah.
 

Mariam says: we should try to work together for this
deen and not work against each other in this deen. After
all I hope I can be your little sister in Jannah as well,
Inshallah.
 

Source: Newsletter of Al-Mubarak

http://www.seekingthepathtojannah.tk

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