What Can the Young People Do for the Older Generation?

By Naseema Mall **

May 26, 2005



What do we mean by older generation? The whole idea of age is different when you speak to different people. People who are under twenty usually think anyone over 25 years is "old." But I guess when we say "old" we mean people who have done their bit for society and may need some assistance to do normal things in life, or even people who are left alone and just feel lonely. Anyway, I'll leave it up to you to decide who and how old is "old."

The first thing young people, or anyone for that matter, can do for older people (or anyone) is not to become estranged from them. Older people need young people to be a part of their lives-to remind them of the beauty of life and to keep their memories alive. Older people may not need help financially, although sometimes they do, but they certainly need moral support, just like young people need moral support.

Grown up kids have to make their parents and grandparents feel important and needed. The way this is done differs from one culture to another. You'll know how to please people in your own culture, so I'll leave this part up to you. In some cultures it is expected that young people stay in the parents house until they get married, but even if you have to leave for study or work, it helps parents and other older family members if you still call and ask for advice. Don't leave them to feel emotionally abandoned. Always ask if they need anything, even if you know there isn't much you could do even if they did need something. The mere fact that you asked gives them so much joy. It's also good to keep the relationship open and moving. Tell them what's happening in your life, make them feel that they are still a part of you.

Young people should try to remember that older people are real people too-just like the youth are always craving for that recognition. We are all human beings and in need of being valued and recognized for what we are. Sometimes, older people suffer from a loss of identity, just like young people do when they're growing up. It may happen for different reasons, but the effects are the same and they need love and encouragement. They need to feel that they are needed and listened to. Doesn't that sound familiar? I mean, what young people go through happens to older people too, but in different ways and to different degrees. So remember, often, when we try to help others, we end up helping ourselves.

Old people haven't always been old. Try looking through a photo album with an older person and watch their faces come to light as they talk about the "good old days." Keep in mind that usually parents and grandparents have been the caretakers for many years, and when they get older they find themselves less independent and in need of care, they often feel bad because of that. You weren't there when they were young and you didn't see their pain during adolescence and the struggles they fought and won-and sometimes lost. Try to draw these memories out of them and you will, perhaps, find many similarities with your own life and the generation gap will disappear like a puff of smoke.

You probably don't remember when you were very young and they spent hours and hours walking the floor with you when you were teething or when you were sick. You can't remember those days because the human memory doesn't go back that far, but the feeling inside remains a part of you. So keep in mind the days when you were a squawking, grumbling, difficult infant and child, and try to be patient with them now, when they need you.

Older people shouldn't pry into their children's lives, although they might do this but call it something else. I've found that if young people are open with older people and take them out and talk to them, then the need to pry quite often disappears. Older people don't usually call it prying, they call it caring. Relationships are always complicated, but the basic problems come when each or either party is stubborn and selfish.

Children owe it to their parents to take care of them in their old age. At the same time, it's such a good thing to take care of other older people, not necessarily related, but simply to do a good deed that is pleasing to Allah the Almighty. The children of such older people may not see their value, but you might, and what a great and positive contribution you could make to their lives.

Some parents, unfortunately, are guilty of neglecting their children and some are even harsh and abusive. Such behavior causes a void in young people because of their harsh beginning in life. So, if you happen to be one of the young people of the world whose parents or guardians were or are abusive and are a threat to you, then you can always help and love other older people. But it is so important to give and benefit from the experience and wisdom of the older generation.

Older people love to be taken out for the day. For old people who find it difficult to move around, you could help them with their chores, say once a week; do the grocery shopping for them, or help out in the garden. I know one man whose wife died, but he never abandoned his mother-in-law. He did all these things for her every week. He took her out for a drive a couple of times a month and talked to her every day, even if only by phone. Older people need to feel valued. One of the fond memories of my childhood is my parents taking me and my brother and my grandmother to the sea for a drive. We used to try to take her out at least once a month. It was a simple outing, but I could always see the look of happiness on her face. I used to wonder why she was so happy just to go for a drive, but now I think it was because it was our way of showing her we love her. She died this year, but my memories of her live on.

The question arises, what does helping older people do for the young? Well, first of all it instills values in them, gives them a sense of purpose, a sense of value when they may be feeling lost and lonely in the growing-up years. It is always satisfying to make someone else happy. It helps you not to be selfish. Also, as they get to know and talk to the older person, they get a new perspective on life.

I know of a young man who at eighteen got kicked out of his home and was feeling very isolated. He had a chip on his shoulder, thinking everyone was out to get him. He usually snarled at people and rarely smiled. Then he contacted his old grandfather whom he hadn't seen for ages. They became real pals and that young man got a whole new outlook on life. He learned to appreciate his own life by discovering the life his grandfather had already lived. He started to work part-time to get some things his grandfather needed. It was really a turning point in his life.

There are many organizations that serve the elderly. One of them is called Meals on Wheels, where they organize food to be taken around to people who still live in their own homes and are trying to be independent but who find it difficult to cook. This particular organization relies on volunteers. Taking the food to the old people is also a chance to talk to them and befriend them and break the loneliness of the long hours they spend alone. You could actually become a beam of light in someone's life. Also, trainee hairdressers often go around old folks homes to do people's hair and get some practice while talking and chatting to old people, who love the attention.

To finish, there is a story about a young man who left his home searching for happiness and fulfillment in life. He felt a huge void in his life and wanted to fill it. He left behind his old mother, but finally came home again feeling broken and dismayed. At that time, his mother had become very old and quite helpless. He started to take care of her and spent many hours doing so. Finally, it dawned on him that the void he had been trying to fill was filled as he served his old mother. Life works in strange ways, but if we are perceptive enough, we will learn by others mistakes and, hopefully, not just by our own.