by
Alveena Salim
What is it
like being a young Muslim living in
I spend a
lot of my time completing questionnaires in women’s magazines. I love hearing
what others have to say about me.
The other
day I was filling out a questionnaire with my sister, after answering twenty
questions she loudly read out the results “You’re a Sad Loner Who Needs To
Get A Life”.
I double
checked just to make sure she wasn’t winding me up as usual, but she was right
my results did indicate that I was a sad loner with no life (Charming!).
So maybe I
do make excuses to get out of mixed parties, maybe I don’t flirt/free mix with
boys, maybe I do enjoy being by myself rather then being with a group of loud,
giggly, embarrassing girls and maybe I don’t like spending hours and hours on
the phone waffling with the same people that I just spent a whole day with.
But does
that really make me a “sad little loner”. I don’t know, maybe it does, but
now that I’m a bit older it doesn’t bother me one bit.
There was a
time though, when things weren’t as straightforward. A time when I so
desperately wanted to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Peer pressure is an
incredibly powerful force, and when this is mixed with the lack of confidence of
a young teenager, it has a dangerous effect.
I tried to
be a good Muslim, an obedient daughter, a popular teenager, a British citizen
and a Pakistani all at the same time. I worked very hard at fitting in and being
accepted by the “popular crew” at school, after school I’d grab my Hijaab
and rush to Mosque (trying to impress my Mosque teacher) and my evenings were
spent wearing Shalwar Kameez (Pakistani dress) and being a good little
“mummy’s girl”.
I realised
though, that one can not compromise, obviously something is bound to suffer. I
couldn’t have it all. How could I be a “good Muslim” if my friends
expected me to bunk Mosque and go shopping or to the Cinema’s with them after
school?
How could I
be an “obedient daughter” if I went out with my friends whilst my parents
thought that I was in Mosque learning Arabic? And how could I be “popular”
if I didn’t go out with my friends?
I realised
that one can not do, think, or feel two things at the same time, especially when
they are at two different poles in the Universe. I couldn’t lead several
lives, and be someone else at home and someone else at school.
I
couldn’t keep my friends, parents AND my Creator happy at the same time. So
after a lot of agonising soul searching and help from a religious friend, much
to the shock and horror of my friends I decided to become “practising”.
It was
difficult, and I initially did feel like a loner. I didn’t think I’d change
as a person-but I did. As soon as I adopted the Hijaab, my personality/attitude
and behaviour automatically changed too. I no longer wanted to be “noticed”
or be “popular”.
I found
that I had a quieter way of conducting myself. I stopped running for the bus,
and stopped associating with girls who had a loud and boisterous way of behaving
in public. People automatically knew that I was a Muslim, without having to ask
me and I also noticed that people began to take me a lot more seriously.
They valued
and respected what I had to say, people began to judge me on my mind, soul,
heart and spirit and not on my appearance and this is something that I didn’t
realise until I began to cover.
I realised
that as Muslims we all have our own individuality, but we all carry several
identities. So as well as being a Muslim, I am also British, a Pakistani, a
sister, a daughter and a student. All these factors shape who I am, but
obviously the overriding factor is that I am first and foremost a Muslim, and my
role/behaviour as a British, a Pakistani, a sister, a daughter and a student are
shaped by the teachings of my religion.
In our
society immoral behaviour is shamelessly encouraged. As a result we’re
confronted with many tempting situations such as the endless choice of
cable/satellite channels, obscene billboards that are plastered all over the
place, the increasing number of people who are shamelessly involved in
boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and affairs, magazines that teach you how to
flirt and grab the attention of other men, and the minimal clothing that some
women adopt as soon as temperatures increase that sometimes make you seem trampy
in comparison.
On top of
that, the image of Islam is tarnished because of the extreme actions of a few
misguided Muslims. The Muslim guy with a beard is a terrorist (but David Beckham
with his Mohican haircut and piercings is a trendsetter), the mysterious woman
in black is an oppressed, unfulfilled Muslim woman.
But the
woman “free” enough to go out semi-naked is “liberated”. It is sheer
ignorance which keeps the Muslims and the non Muslims divided. It’s important
to remember that most religions share more things in common then differences,
though we (and the media) have a tendency to only highlight the differences.
Muslims
today are walking, talking adverts for Islam. Islam is criticised and analysed
by our actions. Whatever Muslims do has a rippling effect on the name of Islam,
positive or negative. This is why we should always double check our actions and
think twice before doing something that may negatively effect the name of Islam,
because we’re in the spotlight 24/7.
Being a
role model is an effective way of calling people to Islam; we should bear in
mind the example of the Holy Prophet (saw) who won the hearts of people just by
the way he behaved. So the minimum requirement of every Muslim especially in the
West is to think carefully before we do anything.
The best
thing we can do is be a role model to the community, especially in University/
school/ college/work etc. where non Muslims can turn round and say “she’s a
Muslim, and this is Islam”.
It can be
very difficult at times to practise ones religion, sometimes internal influences
(desires, ego etc.) pull you down and sometimes external influences, such as
family, friends and society pull you down. Having said that, I’ am more then
happy with where I live and have no desire to move.
This is
because living in a country and not giving in to the temptation that’s in your
face 24/7, results in Muslims who are of higher Iman (faith) and Taqwa (piety)
as opposed to those who live in an Islamic country with little or no
opportunities to be tempted. If one rejects something that isn’t even offered
to them or isn’t even in their face, where’s the difficult in that?
When we
look at society around us, we can see that most of the worldly distractions,
such as music, relationships, clubs, magazines, fashion etc., are all
specifically targeted at the young.
It is
difficult to commit oneself to the laws and commands of Allah (swt) when an
individual is young; this is because of all the temptations that surround it.
Allah (swt) has promised seven types of people His shade on the Day of Judgement,
as a mark of distinction and honour.
Teenagers
who spend their youth as devout and conscious Muslims in the face of
overwhelming temptations and seductions are one of the seven people and so is a
man/woman who refused to be seduced out of fear of Allah (swt).
To me,
Islam is all about peace, security, reassurance, comfort; it’s sort of like a
safety net. The idea that a superior Being is looking after you, watching you,
listening to you, diverting trials and tribulations away from you, caring for
you and wanting only good things for you is enough to make anyone feel good.
When I was
younger, I found comfort in fairy tales, in which the good people always
‘lived happily ever after’. When I rediscovered Islam I started to believe
in ‘happy endings’ all over again in which bad and good people got what they
rightfully deserve. To me, Islam is the only way out, the only way to survive
and the answer to all your problems.
I believe
that life isn’t all about ease and acting like spoilt teenagers- rejecting
temptation makes one stronger. Yes, it can get very difficult at times, and does
demand a lot of self control and self discipline, but it is the hardship,
difficulties, and inconveniences suffered for the sake of Allah (swt) which will
bring us immeasurable rewards and a multitude of spiritual benefits.
So, maybe
based on a questionnaire in a women’s magazine I am a “Loner”, but who
really wants to be a sheep? Is it wrong to be different? Should I colour my hair
blond (regardless of whether it suits me or not) and spend my time clubbing just
because that’s what my friends are doing?
I was
popular once, but contrary to contemporary opinion, my popularity did not bring
me peace or happiness, which is why I’m more than happy to be a so-called
“Loner”.