Marriage Advise For Reverts
<Questioner>
Can you give the Marriage advise for a New Muslimah with non Muslim family.
<Counselor>
She should try to socialize and make friends with Muslimahs [muslims of own
gender] and let them know that you are thinking of getting married.
<Counselor>
If they are genuine friends, they will not mind in you putting forward your
intention of marriage.
<Counselor>
Once a Good Muslim is found, then you can take it further from there. Actually a
true Muslim is the one who will be making an active effort to help you out in
getting married.
<Counselor>
A good way to get to know Muslims is by joining some Islamic classes at your
local Masjid or Islamic institutions.
<Counselor>
Well once i asked the same question to an Imam.
<Counselor>
Let your local Imam (prayer leader) know of your intentions of getting married
as well. Many times they have knowledge about prospective marriage partners.
<Counselor>
My friends adviced me to tell the local Imam.
<Counselor>
I really don’t know how effective online Muslim matrimonial sites are. Maybe
as a last resort, if everything else fails, you can join those sites.
Questioner
listening ……………..
<Counselor>
Well she must also realize the traditions in Nikah and Marriage.
<Counselor>
Also no boyfriend relationships /no Dating / no courtship.
<Counselor>
Once you find someone who you are interested in, do involve a third
pious/reliable person in all your correspondence with that prospective partner.
<Counselor>
That is a MUST.
<Counselor>
Perferablely a well known sister in the community.
<Questioner>
WHY it is MUST? If he AGREE to marry?
<Counselor>
Well before marriage these people are going to talk / meet etc Yes?
<Counselor>
Another sister should always accompany her.
<Counselor>
Because she is a revert she is prone to any fitnah.
<Counselor>
She may not be aware of things and it my cause a head ache for them.
<Questioner>
What about finding a guy on Internet? or any guy from other country ?
<Counselor>
Well i do not suggest that to her.
<Counselor>
She should try to find a Muslim
from her own country.
<Counselor>
You have to understand she is new to the religion.
<Counselor>
She is vulnerable in that case to anything.
<Counselor>
Another person from a different country is going to have different traditions,
different culture, different expectationos . everything is different.
<Counselor>
These are the Major differences she might face. And it will be very difficult to
her to adjust after marriage. That’s why many of such marriages are
unsuccessful even if they are serious in working it out. This difference of
realities they face is usually more than their expectations & estimations.
It’s not easy to adjust in such situations. New Muslims assume every Muslim
they met as an Ideal Muslim. They get a lot of disappointments when they find
un-Islamic behavior of her in-laws. In worst cases her in-laws[born Muslims]
don’t accept her as a Muslim with good character.
<Counselor>
So, I’d advice her to marry a Muslim from her own country.
<Counselor>
She can ask people how the person is, what job he does, is he good or bad, etc.
She can do every kind of inquiries and cross checks in case he live in his
country. Otherwise everything will
be uncertain & unclear.
<Counselor>
If the man is from the other side of the world it is like playing the lottery.
It will be very difficult for her to get real knowledge about his attributes and
past history.
<Questioner>
I agree with you ..
<Counselor>
Because she is new to the religion and if she marries to a person outside her
culture even learning that is going to be harder.
<Counselor>
She cannot follow up the particular person.
<Counselor>
Many reasons.
<Questioner>
you mean cant make proper investigation about him ?
<Counselor>
Yes.
<Questioner>
*nods*
<Questioner>
so what if she met a guy on net and he is willing to marry should she keep in
contact with him, if he live in other country ?
<Counselor>
Well I assume she is an adult. Well she should never lead a conversation to
marriage in the 1st place.
<Questioner>
What about bro - sis relation or just good friends?
<Counselor>
Well that also must be a fine line.
<Counselor>
In terms of talking about religion is ok.
<Counselor>
But in terms of talking about worldly acts etc it should be avoided.
<Counselor>
Brother there are rules governing how to seek a marriage partner. One must
follow by them.
<Counselor>
all informal communication and interaction with a sister, and if there is a
genuine need to communicate, keep it formal, brief, and don’t transgress the
limits set down by Shariah
<Counselor>
if you really desire to marry a girl, then carry out this procedure in the
rightful manner. You must first consider her religious inclination, piety,
outward and inward qualities, manners and love for Islam in general.
<Counselor>
If you are happy and content with what you see, then approach her through the
medium of someone else, such as (her or your) close family member
<Counselor>
You may discuss marriage with her, and if she is willing to get married, and
both of you are happy with each other, then go ahead and get married.
Just don’t prolong un-necessary conversation & relation.
<Counselor>
There are ways to enquire about the one your are interested also.
<Counselor>
Any how if one wants to get married they should seek the best way by following
the principles of the Shariah
<Counselor>
You have to see how the person is religious or not, the outward approach,
inquiring, making up one`s mind, Nikah, Marriage.
<Questioner>
Does she need a Wali for Marriage ?
<Counselor>
Yes! The
consent of the wali is an essential condition for marriage.Marriage
contract will be invalid without the consent of Wali.
For Muslim Families
Father is Wali and for Non Muslims Family any righteous Muslim/ imam will be her
Wali.
1
– It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no (valid) marriage without a wali.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318).
2
– It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the
permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her
marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated then she is entitled
to the mahr because she allowed the man to be intimate with her. If she does not
have a wali then the ruler is the wali of one who does not have a
wali.”(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. This
hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan (9/384)
and al-Haakim (2/183)).
<Questioner>
Allahu Akbar..Allahu Akbar..Allahu Akbar..
<Counselor>
inshallah we have adressed the situation of that sister and you may set her
right in accordance ith the shariah.
<Questioner>
Jazak Allah khair
<Questioner>
May Allah give you more knowledge and wisdom
<Questioner>
and may you become source of guidance and inspiration to many others
<Counselor>
Ameen
<Counselor>
May God give knowledge to thoughs who seek the truth.
<Questioner>
Ameen. Ya Rabbil Aalameen.. Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum. Ya zaljalaal wal-ikraam Ya
ar`hamar Rahimeen
<Counselor> Ameen Brother.
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