~*~ My Love...Will you be My Valentine? ~*~

Dina Istova

“This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion” [al- Maa’idah 5:3].

How I own 1/7th of Riaz's Heart

I don’t want to know the history of St. Valentine’s Day so much as I would like to know who started it in Pakistan. I do, after all, need someone to blame for the fact that I own exactly 1/7th of Riaz’s heart. It’s not a clerical error. He pledged it to me last year, the whole 1/7th, and I am still waiting for someone to stand accountable for such an absurdity.

Riaz didn’t exactly tell me he was o­nly giving me 1/7th, he just showed up in front of my car, February 14th last year, where he’d been waiting for me. After an inarticulate speech about love and the destiny of our souls, he gave me a card and a rose and then mumbled something and rushed away as quickly as he appeared. Inside the card were the usual declarations of undying love and affection, and he pledged me his heart, the generous man.

The next day in college (you know how girls are) I did some asking around and it turned out that not o­nly had Riaz pledged his heart to me, but to six other girls too. Three I already knew, three I got to know o­n a very friendly basis afterwards. There’s nothing that will bind people together quite like common ground, and in our case, we discovered we were all co-owners of Riaz’s heart. Since none of us wanted to bear the burden of ownership entirely, we decided to share, and that’s how I came to own exactly 1/7th.

I may be old fashioned, but where I come from love has very little to do with cards and roses and a lot to do with dedication. Love isn’t a cheap show o­nce a year, love isn’t about beautiful women and sighing in spring. It was a very wise man (whose name I don’t know) who said, “You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but a woman is beautiful because you love her.” That wise man, he was right. I think of that quote every time I think of my Nani and Nana. Even when they were both well into their seventies, sometimes when Nana thought there was no o­ne looking, I would catch him giving Nani the soft kind of look that would melt a woman’s defenses in seconds. Anyone else who looked at Nani probably o­nly saw a wrinkled old lady with twinkly eyes and a crooked smile, but when Nana looked at her, he saw the gorgeous Houri he married fifty years ago. That’s love.

Speaking of years, that reminds me of another thing about love. It has nothing to do with o­ne-day holidays. Love means dedication that lasts, five ten, fifty years later. What good was Riaz’s mumbled ‘I love you’ (and I think it was ‘I love you’ because he shouldn’t have said ‘I need glue‘ just then) when it lasts o­nly as long as roses are o­n sale for Valentine’s day? If his love had lasted any longer, I probably would have run him over, but the point is, real love is long-term. Infatuation and obsession are temporary, but real love is a solidly grounded, conscious effort that people actively maintain for others. It’s not some sort of passing whim, or an effortless passion, it’s a willfully upheld emotion built o­n a foundation of trust, understanding, and mutual sacrifice.

Riaz can’t fool me. I know what dedicated love is about. I saw it o­nce when my aunt became seriously ill o­ne night. Her husband got up with her and guided her to the sink, and held her hair back when she was vomiting and supported her when she could no longer stand. Then he carried her gently to the car and drove her to the hospital. My cousins told me that he held her hand the whole time she was there, and he helped her go to the bathroom. That may sound disgusting, but it takes real love to get over your own fears and dislikes to help someone you care about.

I’ll tell you what else love is about; it’s about laughing at jokes that weren’t too terribly funny because someone else needs cheering up. It’s about saying sorry even when you know you were right, because you know that the person you argued with is far more important than what you argued about. Its about covering someone else up when you’re cold, it’s about giving someone else tea when you’re tired, it’s about giving up that part of you that screams ‘Me! Me! Me!’ and becoming the other half of another person. It’s about taking the brunt of something because you’d rather see yourself die than see the o­ne you love being shamed. This kind of love may be hard to spot because it isn’t flashy and loud and covered in red glitter and white lace, but it’s out there. It’s quiet but powerful, it’s everyday but magical, it’s real, but apparently Riaz has no idea it exists.

I suppose you’re reading this and thinking that it’s the woman who’s doing all this, she’s practically worshipping her husband and the chauvinistic pig doesn’t even care. Well, in some cases that’s true, because women are more sentimental. I think it’s safe to say that some woman love their husbands more than their husbands love them, but I was speaking in terms of ideals, and ideally, they both love and sacrifice equally.

So there it is, Riaz darling. A pox o­n the kind of “love” that Valentine’s day promotes (btw, what the heck are we Muslims doing celebrating the holiday of a Christian saint?). I don’t need a sappy card and a wilted rose from a guy who has no real respect for me, who has no concept of my honor, who probably stares at my rear-end after I walk past him.

Guys like Riaz are using Valentine’s day as an excuse to act o­n their foolish impulses, and I don’t care what you call them - puppy love, lust, attraction, obsession, licentiousness, whatever. There’s no love involved there, just a shameless attempt to weasel me out of affections that I’m reserving for someone who deserves them. Someone who will love as o­ne should, with dedication, with sacrifice, with a whole heart, as compared to 1/7th. Attention Riaz: If I see you again I may actually take up the offer of having your heart. And I may just carve my portion out with a spoon.

By. Z H Khan

True   Love

Love - one of the strongest emotions known to mankind- a power that can ruin or redeem a life- that can bring joy or painful heartbreak.

Today as the world celebrates this emotion on Valentine’s Day, we see hearts of all sizes and shapes all around, hearts of chocolate and satin. O Yes! It’s Valentines! The day of hearts, red roses, poetry, candies and above all - Love!

 Where did Valentine’s Day come from?

There are many traditions about its origin, but the most authentic seems to be the one from Encyclopedia Britannica that says that this day has nothing to do with Saint Valentine, instead it is related to the Roman pagan festival of their god, Lupercalia.

It was celebrated on 15^th February and in honour of the goddess Juno Februata, the names of girls were placed in an urn and the men would draw out the name of a girl at random who would then become their date for the remaining festival.

When Christianity came to Rome, they tried to Christianize this obscene yet popular festival by replacing the names of girls by those of saints. The men were then supposed to emulate the saint, whose name they drew, for the rest of the year. However this attempt proved unsuccessful and the use of girls’ names returned.

Many associated it with Cupid (the virtually naked god of love), who is the central character of Valentine’s Day paraphernalia, who shoots people with his arrows to make them fall in love. His mother is said to be Venus (goddess of love) and apparently the rose was her favourite flower.

Another tradition speaks of a Saint Valentine who was killed on 14^th Feb. by Emperor Claudius for secretly arranging the marriages of his soldiers whom he had banned from marriage. The Bishop is said to have fallen in love with the jailer’s daughter during his imprisonment and wrote her a letter signed ‘Your Valentine’, which became a tradition for people to come. In 496 Pope Gelasius officially replaced the pagan festival of 15^th Feb with St Valentine’s Day on14^th Feb.

Valentine’s Day Today

Whatever the origin of this day, today it seems to have returned to its pagan, vulgar roots with the child-god cupid and open dating being very much a part of it. It is celebrated in many parts of the world in different ways. For instance, in France, a girl befriends the first boy she sees in the morning and if this relationship lasts for a year, they end up getting engaged on the next Valentine’s Day. The Valentine lottery caused severe problems in France and was banned completely in 1776. Later Italy, Hungary, Austria and Germany also rid themselves of this obscene custom. England remained safe until it was under Puritan rule but then Charles II started it again and from there it entered America, where it was first commercialized by A E Howland, who made 5000 dollars from selling Valentine cards.  In 1995 one billion valentine cards were delivered in the US and the postal Dept. made an extra profit of $ 30 million. Flowers began to be used in 1300.

Now people all over cash in on this opportunity to kindle the fire in young hearts and instill in their minds the necessity of having a ‘Special Someone’ to love. No wonder last year’s newspaper carried news of a woman who sued her husband for divorce for not giving her anything on Valentine’s. According to her it was absolutely necessary to express one’s love on this day and her husband did not give her anything which meant that he did not love her.

Apparently Valentine’s Day made her feel ‘unloved’ rather than ‘loved’.

What kind of love depends upon gifts for its survival? What kind of love is restricted to one day in the whole year? What kind of love breeds hatred, jealousy and a sense of deprivation in many?

Valentine’s Day also proves exceptionally painful for the not-so-popular kids in school who don’t get as many Valentine cards as their friends do.

In Pakistan, this day has come to mean getting dressed in red, valentine cards, hearts, and chocolates. Through these apparently innocent things the occasion promotes the culture of free sex and male-female relations. Also becoming common are public displays of emotions including advertising love messages in newspapers, going out on romantic dates and attending valentine balls and parties. Schools are not far behind in holding such parties for their students. As a result, even young children are fed new ideas of developing lusty feelings and expressing them boldly. Closet romantics are given a chance to emerge. They imitate their favourite movie love scenes in broad daylight. In all this ‘love’ fever Islam is given a backseat to sit and see how it’s teachings are being ridiculed in public.

The question that comes to mind is why should WE celebrate Valentine’s Day? Is it our national festival or a religious one?

Festivals are part of a nation’s identity. They symbolize any religion or culture.

ASK YOURSELF !

On this day that the world celebrates love and we see hearts all around, ask yourself: “Have I ever thought of loving the One Who created me, the One Who gave me a heart that can feel love? Has this heart ever felt love for Him? How many times have I cried for His love?

Have I ever spent any time, effort or money to express my love to Him Who has given me all these things? Am I confident enough to declare my love for Him? Do I ever miss Him in solitude or amongst a crowd? Or am I wasting away a beautiful emotion that was meant for eternity-not just momentary gratification of our ego? Inspite of our ingratitude, The Merciful One continues to love us . 

 Our love is a measure of our faith. Is our love deep enough to recognize the One we cannot see but expressions of His love are scattered all around us? Or is it so shallow that it begins and ends only with humans who often abandon and hurt us in this world when we need them the most, whose love brings heartbreak and depression and who will be the first to leave us when we depart from this world?

Ask yourself, “ How much do I love Prophet Mohammad who had said: “By Him in Whose Hands my life is, none of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father and his children and all mankind” (Bukhari).

Did you ever wonder how we can get Allah to love us too?

Ask yourself why do I love the people I do? Are the motives all worldly like their looks or money or is it something deeper like their piety or good deeds?

Ask Yourself!

Ask yourself honestly, is Valentine’s Day anything but obeying our baser desires and following our lusts? Are we only like cattle following our passions and the trends without knowing why, without understanding?

As a Muslim, a boy-girl friendship is totally out of bounds. In Surah An-Nisa a woman’s qualities are described:

“Chaste, not lustful nor ones taking secret friends”

Muslims have a beautiful institution of marriage where romance is not a summer fling nor is it based on superficial looks, but on a serene relationship of mutual affection, kindness and responsibility.

T R U E    L O V E

For a Muslim, TRUE LOVE happens only once and eternally and that is with the Lord, The One Who exists from eternity till forever. For Muslims, love for Him supersedes everything and everyone else. Love for Allah is meaningful since it then teaches loving all His creatures (and not just a ‘Special Someone’).

Muslims already have a day for expressing love and that is ‘Id-al-Azha when Muslims sacrifice a life to show Allah that they can sacrifice anything for Him-even their own lives. They relive the Sunnah of Sayidina Ibrahim -Allah’s friend-who readily proceeded to sacrifice his most beloved possession, his teenaged son, for Allah. Love demands sacrifice. Do we have that kind of pure and intense love in our life? Who do we love the most-our own selves and desires or Our Rabb? If we love Allah, how can we celebrate a pagan custom when our Beloved Lord abhors paganism more than anything else? Then how deeply do we feel on ‘Id-al-Azha and how do we feel on Valentine’s?

A Muslim’s actions are not purposeless or meaningless. Even his love is meaningful and the _expression of love is useful, since instead of spending thousands on flowers, on ‘Id-al-Azha meat is provided for the poor, jobs are created for many, animal skin is used for leather and so on.

  A Muslim doesn’t do something just because the whole world is doing it. He doesn’t waste his life. Let us be Muslims in heart, body and soul.

 Let us then find True Love

True love seeks sacrifice and I’ve given it all.
This, this is true love in it’s purest form.
I turn my face towards You now.
The Lord of my world and the Heavens above.
I am Yours and Yours, alone.
My prayer, my sacrifice are only for You.
My life and death are Yours to take.
A promise I make.
To lay my life for You.
An oath that I worship.
No-one but You.

(Inspired by dua of The Holy Prophet SAW )   message from dear sister safia.